Hello World Baby Prince Nathaniel!

May 13, 2015

Late afternoon (this is May 12) after I got discharged from the hospital, I felt something weird going on to my body. I'm still having cramps and I feel unwell, so I lay down on my bed when I got home; thought it will be for a while. I just had an hour nap because I'm still feeling that weird cramps inside of my stomach, then I decided to eat spaghetti because I'm starving but still, it hurt like hell. I tried different positions, I tried to walk, I kept coming back and forth in the toilet, but I am still having this cramps inside of me. I felt dizzy and nauseous so I tried to vomit, thinking it will make me feel better. However, I felt something dripped under. Like you're having menstruation. So I checked but I see nothing. I thrust my finger inside, then I saw blood.

I immediately called my husband and told him about it. I felt exasperated because we just came back from the hospital and here I am, looks like I need to go back again. My husband told me I have to tell my parents but I want to monitor it first. I knew my parents, they will panic. I took a bath and checked time by time if there's still blood. Sometimes there's blood, sometimes there's none. So I decided not to tell them until I feel contractions. I knew what are contractions since I came from false labor. Then, it happen to me. It's getting stronger and stronger 3-5 minutes apart and will last up to 60 to 90 seconds. My husband is worried so he told my mother. I told them we need to wait until I can't bear it. I don't want to have false labor again

If you will ask me what contraction feels like? It's a nightmare. It's really painful, I can't focus, I can't think, I'm anxious, I'm gripping anywhere. It's like menstrual cramps ten times painful. Though it will only last for a minute or two but you'll be afraid when it's starting to contract again. I'm still in pain and my husband is really worried, so around 11 pm we decided to go back to the hospital. My parents went first by a motorcycle while me and my husband walked around 2 km looking for a taxi, yet we ended up taking a jeepney. So here I am, going back again to the hospital hoping this time I'll be having my most awaiting labor.

Once I entered the admitting labor room, they asked me to fill up few papers and my ultrasound results. Nurses checked if I'm having a contraction and perform IE (internal examination where they put two fingers to check the dilation). That night when they checked, I thought I gained more cm but I just gained another 1 cm. 2 cm is still far away from 10 cm. I felt frustrated. I thought I need to go home again and wait for another sign of labor.

My OB-Gyne came and advised the nurses to put me in Labor Room. I felt relieved because I thought they will do something for me to dilate. However, my doctor asked me "i-CS na kita?" I said no! She said,  "Mukhang aray na aray ka na e." I replied, "No doc! Kaya ko to! Kakayanin ko po"

Nurses assisted me to this Labor Room. What I imagine when they say Labor Room, is a place where women give birth but in contrary it's not. It looks like ward with few beds. I lay down on one of the bed and put the fetal heart rate machine on top of my stomach and advised me not to leave that bed nor stand. I felt disappointed when one of the nurses told me "tulog ka muna, matagal tagal pa yan. Bukas ka pa ng umaga ichecheck ulit ni doktora." Then I asked, "manganganak na po ba ako?" The nurse replied, "Sana, di na kita maabutan sa next shift ko." I don't know what to feel that time. I blamed myself. I should have endured that pain until it's unbearable. I should have stayed that night in our house with my husband beside me. Not like this, alone and can't do anything. I asked again one of the nurse "meron po bang naaadmit sa labor room pero di pa pala manganganak?" She replied to me "oo meron." I got frightened. What if it's still not my time? I don't know how I will handle it. So I prayed many times asking help from Him. Asking Him for my safety especially for my baby. Begging him to end this misery. Wishing I'll have a normal delivery. I want to see my baby, I am beyond excited to see him.

It's been 6 hours of endless pain. I didn't sleep like what they're suggesting me. How can I? I waited and waited. I kept on looking at the clock, hoping time will run fast. Until I saw the light outside, means it's already morning. I still keep on praying, and due to exhaustion I manage to take short naps. Around 7:20 am my water broke and a lot of blood went out. I called the nurse to confirm it. I asked her "manganganak na po ba ako?" The nurse replied "ichecheck ko pa." When she did the IE I keep wishing to myself, please tell me it's 10 cm. She went to the desk near my bed, called somebody and I heard she said 4cm. So it's still not the time, and I have to endure this pain for another hour. It's getting more painful and the contraction lasted longer. I've been screaming from the top of my lungs, holding my blanket and pillow so tight. A male nurse came beside me, asking me if I'm ok. I don't want to be rude so I said yes but deep inside me, I really want to end this. I'm thinking if they have any pain reliever or should I accept my doctor's offer to undergo CS. But I said no, I can do this. I encourage myself to be strong, that me and my baby will survive it.

Until I felt something weird. It's still feels like a contraction, but it's not that painful. Like you had a hard stool and you're having a hard time releasing it. I asked the nurse who's guarding me. I said "Ate nanganganak na po ata ako" She said, "kaya ka nga nasa labor room eh kasi manganganak ka na." I replied, "Bakit ganito po, kusa pong umiere yung katawan ko?" "Wag kang umere, mamaya ka pa iere" she said. "Hindi po ako umiere, nagkukusa po yung katawan ko."  She called someone from her desk. Two of the Pedia's assistants came. I'm in a middle of fighting the pain I am enduring and in confusion on what they're going to do next with my situation then they will ask me a lot of questions which I believed I already answered before entering the Labor Room. If I'm a mean person, I might have yell at them but in contrary I still answered all of their questions. I also asked one of the assistants why I'm feeling that I'm already giving birth? I asked myself what will happen to me? Why in movies there'res a lot of equipment, professionals to encourage you and holding your hand saying push? A doctor in front of you waiting for the baby to come out and a large lamp above you? Is this what I should do? Wait until the baby come out on that bed? Like an animal, letting me give birth alone?

Until one doctor came rushing went to check me. She asked me what I'm feeling and I answered honestly that I think my baby is coming out any moment. She did the IE and said "Fully dilated na to, bakit di mo pa pinadala sa delivery room?" talking to the nurse who's guarding me. If only I'm in a different situation, I will sue that nurse. I should be in delivery room, but because of her wrong conclusions, I ended up suffering on that bed. They transferred me to the Delivery Room and this is the place I've been looking for. The one that I'm seeing in movies and television. I'm not in pain, but what I really want is to protrude my baby who's excited to come out. I keep on doing the same thing, and it's getting stronger and stronger. I think I'm loosing my voice and strength. I keep on asking where is Dra. Lee? (My OB-Gyne), They said I should relax myself and stop pushing the baby. What they didn't know, my body is naturally pushing my little boy out of my body or my baby is trying to come out. Either of the two, I really want to end it. I want to fast forward everything. I was hoping I can still bear it. They advised me to exhale through my mouth to ease the tension. I waited for an hour then the most awaited moment happen.

The assistant called my Ob-Gyne and they prepared everything. They covered my legs. They even shaved my pubic hairs. An anesthesia was injected and equipment were assembled. Then I heard my doctor's voice. She asked where's my husband. I really thought husbands are not allow inside the delivery room. One of the nurse replied "Papunta na po doktora. Galing pong office eh" So we need to wait for my husband. I said in my mind "Baby, antayin naten si papa mo. Please wag ka muna lalabas" But it made my situation worst. I was about to say, "Wag na po naten hintayin yung asawa ko" but before it slip in my tounge my husband came. I saw him, wearing blue scrubs, face mask and hairnet. I feel relived that he's there beside me. I was told to take a deep breath, hold it, and push by tightening the abdominal muscles and trying to exert as much downward pressure as possible at count of 3 without making sound. On my first push, I felt that cut on my vagina. I shouted "Aray ko ang sakit!" It really hurts, like 10 times injection. You'll never know how hurt it is. However I am glad I didn't pass out. My baby came out after three push. My doctor said, I'm very good on it which is why my baby easily come out.

And that was the first time I heard his voice. The sound of his cry is very overwhelming. They put him above my chest. He is so white. His skin is so soft. He didn't stop crying. I didn't cry like I was expecting but I can't contain my smile because I made it. He's here on top of me. After how many months of anxiety and excitement I'll be able to hold him, carry him and kiss him. The nurses took some pictures for remembrance. I'm so glad that they let my husband witness that precious moment and they let us have a keepsake.

Exactly 38 weeks, May 13th, 2015, 10:06 am at Our Lourdes Hospital Sta. Mesa, Manila I gave birth to my beloved son PRINCE NATHANIEL LACONSAY BARRUN!

I love you so much Baby! Thank you Lord for successful normal delivery. I survived it and here's my son. Truly giving birth is amazing. Once you see your baby, all those suffering, pain, restless days and nights will be vanish. And if you're going to ask me if I still want to have a baby, Yes I will, because it's a blessing and fulfillment that you were able to conceive a child that you can treasure for the rest of your life.