I still remember when I was pregnant, I can't stop imagining myself breastfeeding my baby. Carry him in my arms, stare and sing sweet lullabies until he fall asleep. I have a lot of questions in my mind. When will my milk come in? Will it be enough for him? Will I succeed?
May 13 of 2015 I gave birth to a baby boy. We named him Prince Nathaniel. We promised if we will have a baby girl, we will name her Princess Natalie so we ended up naming him Prince Nathaniel. I choose common names since they are not difficult to spell. I also like names with meaning like "Nathaniel" which means "Gift of God; God has given." Going back, I really thought, once you gave birth, your milk will just come out. In my case it did not. On 4th day, I was very happy to see my milk coming out as I breastpump. I tried to breastfeed, but he won't latch. I said to myself it's normal that he will refuse it at first.
When I heard him cry, I knew he's asking for milk so I tried again. I tried switching breast. I tried pumping it before offering my breast but, he didn't want it. I don't know why and I don't know what's the problem but I was INSANELY FRUSTRATED. I hate seeing him drinking formula milk in the bottle. I thought he can't taste any milk and there's a problem with my hormone stimulation. I took malunggay capsules. Actually, I am taking capsules since my 38th week of pregnancy. I want to make sure I have enough milk for him. Every meal, I sip "sabaw ng tinola." I pump my breast whenever he's asleep. It hurts so much. SO MUCH. He drinked my pumped breast milk from his bottle. In my surprise, he likes it. It gives me motivation and hopes that I will succeed on breastfeeding.
Everytime he cries, I always try to breastfeed but, whenever he refuse, my mother always take him away to bottle feed. She can't take seeing my baby crying so hard from hunger. After numerous attempts I gave up.
I was asked every place that I go if I am breastfeeding my son, and I always reply, "No, I'm not. He won't latch." People's reaction is like, "Why?" "You should have breastfeed him" "Don't you have milk?" The looks in their face says I didn't tried my best. Like it was my decision to bottle feed my baby. At first, I feel guilty of not breastfeeding him. How I wish I attend breastfeeding seminars when I was still pregnant and not relied on online articles. There are so many things that I wish I did. Then I realize, I must not be ashamed of bottle feeding my son. Breastfeeding or not, this should not define the person as a mother.
Yes, I did not succeed in breastfeeding but I succeed on loving him, providing his essential needs, waking up at night to feed him, patiently cradle him even he's crying for about an hour or more, play with him after work even I have only few hours to sleep, bring him to the doctor for his monthly check ups and vaccination, cook foods for him, read books for him and making sure he's healthy and happy. I may not succeed on other things but that doesn't mean I am a failure.
I am not here to promote bottle feeding. If God will give me a second child, I will make sure to exclusively breastfeed her. I just want other moms which has the same situation as me not to feel guilty and embarrass. Let go of your fears and worries that your child will not grow up intelligent, in good health and active. Just do all the best that you can, follow your heart and everything will fall into places. Because they say,
36 Comments
I felt the same when I had to go to work after giving birth. I had no choice too, I don't want to starve my son. Bottle feeding is not a crime. There are just some things we can't force to happen. I agree, why worry if you've done your very best?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your journey Sis. Salute!😊
My feelings are with you Mommy. We all love our kids in different ways and no one has the right to impose and judge us on what they think is the best thing to do. Kudos to all the loving mothers out there!
ReplyDeleteI was a breastfeeding mom but I know how difficult it can be. With my first born he wouldn't feed for a week! My mom and my doctor assured me he was fine and after that first week he did breastfeed. I'm thankful that I had the support I needed. I was also unsure. However, there are some moms who take time to get their milk to come in a steady supply.
ReplyDeleteNot all of us are given the gift of being able to breastfeed well. The most important thing will always be that we do our best in giving our children what they need.
ReplyDeleteBeen there... would say I only had the chance to at least give breast milk to my 2nd child. My eldest hardly had except for about 2 oz. Sad but what can I do? I was feverish, blaming it on the inverted nipples and I can't stand to let him cry for hunger.
ReplyDeleteAwww don't feel guilty! You did your best! I personally breastfed my son but that doesn't mean I'm a better mum. It just means I breastfed - period. As long as you provide for him and love him, he will be okay!
ReplyDeleteI know where you're coming from mommy, been in that situation with my 2 kids they were also formula fed but with my youngest I already knew better. I was able to breastfeed her for more than 2 years! It really helps if you get support from the people around you. I also suggest you join Breastfeeding Pinay group on facebook, very helpful if you plan on having another baby in the future :)
ReplyDeleteI wasnt able to breastfeed my three older boys too when they were babies. Now with my fourth, thank God the hospital promotes breastfeeding kaya they latch my baby once nilabas sya. Anyway, breastfeeding or otherwise, this does not dismiss the fact that we mommies love our kids very much.
ReplyDeleteI agree whether you breastfeed your baby or not, it shouldn't define yourself as a mother. I breastfeed my son for a year now, and I tried my best to help out others who needs guidance in the early stages of breastfeeding because that's the most difficult part of it. Some of them pursue and some are not. For me that's fine, they are still mothers who loves their babies more than their life.
ReplyDeleteMhaan <3 | Mommy Rockin' In Style Blog
Breastfeeding or bottle feeding should not define a woman as a mother. What's important is that you're doing your best. I was only able to breastfeed my 3 kids for several weeks. It was especially hard for the third one because he had trouble latching too and that was around the time when breastfeeding advocates started becoming more active. So, I also felt guilty for a bit. But as long as we do our best, we shouldn't feel guilty or embarrassed whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteIn my breastfeeding journey, it really helped that my mom was not around.. Grandmothers are typically maawain sa kanilang apo
ReplyDeleteI was only able to breastfeed my kids for 3 and 6 months respectively but I don't feel any less of a mother. People who think otherwise should just shut up and mind their own business.
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding or not, the most important thing is that you are the best mom to your baby.
ReplyDeleteXoxo
MrsMartinez
I have to agree with what you said. Motherhood should not be defined with your ability to breastfeed or not. I wasn't able to breastfeed my eldest long enough and she is fine :))
ReplyDeleteIt doesnt matter if you breastfeed or bottlefeed your child. It's not anyone's right to judge how we want to raise or feed our children. I only breastfed my 3 kids for a month then I immediately went back to work/school. It's not that I didn't have a choice, I only chose what I thought what's best for my kids.
ReplyDeleteI think you're a great mom. And I wish you all the best. =)
You're doing a great job, mommy! It doesn't matter whether you breastfed or bottle-fed, whether you used cloth or disposable diapers, the bottomline is that we're moms and we'll give our kids all the love and care that we can and know how. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a breastfeeding mom though at first I was mix feeding my little girl because I don't think I have much milk, thankfully dumami dami naman ang milk. Hehe. Although may iba lang talaga na nega when it comes to moms bottle feeding their LOs. But don't worry Mommy, we are the best moms for our little ones. Our little ones are good and that's what's important :)
ReplyDeletei feel you mommy, i know how frustrating it is not being able to breastfeed your baby. in my case, i had milk supply but was nevertheless prohibited to breastfeed due to health reasons. unfortunately i had pregnancy induced hypertension that went on even after birth, and weighing the risk, my doctor said it's better that i stop breastfeeding so i can take my hypertension medication. was able to breastfeed for 3 weeks only.
ReplyDeleteI only breastfeed my son for 4 months because I need to go back to work. I agree bottle feeding does not define a mother. Just do what you think is right, don't mind what other people say.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful and touching post. :) I totally agree. No judging, people! In the end we give our kids the best we can. :)
ReplyDeleteBtw I tried voting for you sa Top Mommy Blogs na link but it wasn't working...
It is unfortunate that people can really be quite hard on bottlefeeding mums. I struggled breastfeeding my son + had to succumb to bottle-feeding in the end, too. I agree with what you said, in the end what matters is you tried your best. After all, we are the best mums our children can have in our own special ways and bottle or breastfeeding is in no way the best gauge of what a good mum ought to be.
ReplyDeleteI only had milk for a month for both my daughters and then they were formula-fed. Breastfeeding doesn't come easy for all mommies.
ReplyDeleteI had to give up breastfeeding my daughter at 4 months after repeated rounds of mastitis. It was hard but I am glad so many people are reading and commenting here.
ReplyDeleteI'm nowhere close to being a mother, but I agree - breastfeeding or not should not define you as a mother. I've seen so many women fight over this issue and it's really sad. It really is a mother's personal choice for their own child whatever they do.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, some moms do have a hard time with breastfeeding. And they should NEVER feel ashamed if they have to bottle feed. I love that you said you would breastfeed a second baby. Many women that are unable to first time are successful the second time around.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with bottle feeding. I think as mother's we feel like we need to exclusively breastfeed and if we don't we are inadequate. It took me a while to accept it. good luck!
ReplyDeleteI agree, whether you are breastfeeding mom or bottle-feeding mom, it doesn't make you feel less as a mother. We all love our kids so don't worry, just raise your son. :)
ReplyDeleteI am a breastfeeding advocate. Still breastfeeding my 29 months daughter. Yeah! Yeah! I thought I know almost everything about breastfeeding and is even sharing my knowledge and helping others on their breastfeeding journey. But when my sister gave birth and can't breastfeed my niece, I was frustrated talaga. Like you, she wants to breastfeed. Actually, for 10 days she tried. We tried. Pero walang poopoo ang pamangkin ko and pumayat sya ng husto because she can't breastfeed properly. Until we realize the culprit. Sobrang hina ng milk ng kapatid ko at hindi sya nabubusog. Paano namin nalaman? Pinadede ko kasi ang pamangkin ko at okay naman ang latch nya. My sister has PCOS. And yun ang dahilan ng low milk supply. Nakakalungkot? Oo. Pero gaya mo, ginawa naman namin lahat. We tried. My sister was even crying already out of frustration. Pero wala eh. Walang milk. And formula milks are created for babies like my niece. Yung may mga nanay na hindi kayang magpadede. Kaya okay lang yan. Sa huli, ikaw padin ang nanay. At naging mabuting nanay ka.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that breastfeedin is simply one part of our role as mothers. It doesn't mean that when one fails to breastfeed, she's a bad mother. It's really a challenge to have grandparents who are not 100% sold on breastfeeding. I had that kind of pressure with my firstborn. My husband and mom would pressure me to give formula. So, I mixedfed. :( But, with my second and 3rd children, I was more equipped with knowledge and experience. Thus, I was able to successfully breastfeed exclusively my two younger kids longer. :)
ReplyDeleteI honestly promote breastfeeding, but I respect those that bottlefeed their kids because they have their own reasons. I think as long as you feed him with love and nutrition, you are doing your best as a mom. =)
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling. I had more than enough supply but my son could not properly latch because he has low muscle tone (he's a special child, too). I had no choice but to bottle feed him. But like you, if I had a choice, I would have exclusively breastfed my son. Have you tried feeding him breastmilk in a bottle?
ReplyDeletemay god give u courage to raise the righteous child. and u have many more.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I used to judge moms who do not breastfeed. But when I became a mom myself, I realized that it was indeed difficult to breastfeed. Hihimatayin ako sa sakit, and I had no one to help me or give me advice. When my child's pedia learned I was starting to just pump and bottlefeed my son, she gave me a disapproving look. I was hurt, but I admit that it pushed me further to learn more about breastfeeding. I was able to breastfeed until my son was maybe 9 months old. I didn't want to stop, but I had to take medicines that weren't safe for infants.
ReplyDeleteoh there's no judging, mommy. i also bottle-fed my eldest. :) although breastfeeding is highly recommended, i see nothing wrong with bottle feeding.it is your choice. you know what is best for your child.
ReplyDeleteThe comment of some people can really get into you especially when you are trying your very best. Go easy with yourself. People will always have opinions. You will be the best mom for your kids. You already are. :)
ReplyDeleteIT is only with my fourth that i am able to breastfeed. With my first three, i only pump. Breastfeeding may give you a certain sense of proudness but i believe in you when you said it doesnt define a mother. :)
ReplyDelete